Autumnal Recesses Of My Mind

Well, well, well... It has been FOREVER since I blogged... Time to start again. For one thing I need an outlet. And for another, I need to polish up on my writing, less it should deteriorate to a point beyond saving. I have noticed that I haven't been writing anything more than a few sentences recently, at most I would write a whole paragraph. This is so unlike my high school and university days, where I could write for hours, and fill pages with my thoughts, as evidenced by my numerous "memoirs," referring to old diaries/journals I used to write. But now, I write a blurb, or two, and then I am done. I wonder where all that energy went... I used to wake up, write in my journal, then start my day. And before I slept, I would write again, putting down all my thoughts for the day. I wonder when I stopped doing that... I guess looking back, when everything just became busy and so much change happened all around me, I gradually forgot to write. Writing takes time and effort, and a whole lot of power to bang on the keyboard, making sure the words come out right. But then, I also forgot that sometimes, writing, for me anyway, is therapy. It makes me relax, and seeing the words written down, I get a new perspective of the stuff that happened for the day, or the way I thought about certain things. I have always loved reading, so I guess when I write and then read, its always been, in a small sense, something of a zen experience. So here I am again, dusting of the cobwebs of my old blog, and trying my hand once again at writing. Who knows if this will last... But since Autumn has always been my season of change and of chances, then now would be the best time to start up on an old habit, and hope that it will last...

Yes, its that time of the year again. Comes around once every year, you'd think I would have been used to it by now. But still...
Couldn't sleep last night, too much thinking, and not enough processing... hahaha! Maybe its because the 26th is fast approaching, and therefore I end up thinking about all the past 26th-es that have come and gone... Ah, is this how "approaching 40" feels like? But then again, I am always "approaching" something or the other, 40 isn't much of a difference. I am looking forward to all the great stuff that could happen after this year's 26th. Pays to be optimistic! Last year wasn't so great, so maybe this year will be better. Here's hoping!

Been thinking... yeah... and??? Actually, I really should make plans about this year, because changes are coming, big ones, small ones... Either way, things are going to change, and its up to me and mine to make it better... Mostly up to me, hahaha! But its good to have people around me, supportive friends and family, and a husband that is trying real hard these days, these I appreciate very much. Even if sometimes my appreciation isn't that obvious... Maybe its Japan feeding its way into my system, changing the way I react, but then again, maybe its just me.

Again I can't sleep! What is going on? Its 2:51am now, and I have been tossing and turning. Finally I just gave up and went to the computer. My ofttimes savior. This failing to make me sleepy, I am again going to turn to the DS.
Today was ok though. I went to the gym, then window shopped a bit, then had dinner and drinks with some friends. All in all, I should be tired and sleepy, but I am not. Freaky.
I've started blogging again too, which in itself a bit strange. But then again, these are strange days.
Speaking of gymming, (<-- I don't think this is a word, but hey, language is constantly evolving...) I need to train more. I am planning to run yet another marathon, sometime in April. This time its gonna be 10k and that is not going to be a walk (run?) in the park. I miss the days back home when I used to run with my mountaineering club. Back then, 15k was normal. Now, just the 5k was enough to make me lose my breath! Maybe its just humanity catching up. My immortality being in question at the moment. But seriously, time to train seriously. And part of that would be trying to get enough sleep. 3:01am, signing off.

Couldn't sleep last night. Ended up playing the DS (various games) until 3am. Then nodded off. Woke up at 8am. Going to the gym. I think it would be better to try not to get into the whole, I'm-on-hollies-and-therefore-I sleep-at-5am-and-wake-up-at-3pm mode. I know from past experience how DIFFICULT it is to go back to normal waking-sleeping patterns once the holidays are over. Watching anime on TV now. Trying to get up enough energy to take a shower and head off to the gym. Must try to fight the urge to curl back into my futon and sleep the whole day. Going to make coffee now, that's always good as a booster in the mornings. Yosh! Gotta go!

This is the first time I wrote since last year when my parents passed away. I guess, for me, writing is therapy... So here I am again, writing. I tend to skip a lot, not being a regular blogger as they say. But when the spirit moves me, I write. And now, the spirit seems to be restless. Maybe it being Spring break, and me having a lot of time on my hands, so I started getting itchy fingers (sounds a bit like the onset of an allergy... eww...). Which led me to bang away at the keyboard.
2008, welcome the year of the rat. Kinda funny writing that in the middle of February, but better late and all that. The previous year was the year of the pig, my year, I was kind of buzzed about it when it rolled in. Even went through all the trouble of sending New Year cards to friends and family. But the the year didn't turn out to be a lucky one. Maybe this year will be better, one can always hope.
Been keeping busy doing this and that, going here and there. I think at the back of it all, I'm just trying to keep the sadness away. Its not a huge problem that might involve me being put in a padded room, I hope not anyway, but sometimes it feels that way. I keep getting hit with the fact that both my parents are gone. And I guess, no matter how much fun I seem to have, at the end of the day, it hits me. I don't reel from it like I used to, but the pain is still there. I guess, in my own way, I am dealing with it, and as time goes by, well, time will go by.
Now I must try and focus. On making the most of what I have, on being happy, or at least trying to, and on appreciating the life I have. I am pretty lucky, I know this. And I better end on this note. Perhaps the next entries will be a bit more sunny. But then again, this is me, sunny isn't really what defines me.